I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
