Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I showed him my bush... on skype.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
