So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Do you remember whose house we're in?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
