If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
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