Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
