that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
