Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
