All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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