i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
