69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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