I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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