Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
