awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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