I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
