take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
