Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
