No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
