my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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