But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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