I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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