I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Randomize
