that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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