I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
