i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
