Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
