I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
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