You can't motorboat a personality
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Sacagawea was the original milf.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
