It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
