Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
