wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
