I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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