so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
