I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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