chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
