somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
