I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
