Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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