well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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