I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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