I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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