It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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