The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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