She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
