I should be sponsored by Trojan
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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