I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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