Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
