you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
