the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
