i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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