ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
She needs sedatives and a leash
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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