Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
