he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
