Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I smell stomach acid.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
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I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
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The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
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