She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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