I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
