You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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