he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
