Non-Jews are for practice
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
