Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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