Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
