apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Randomize
