Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
