He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize