Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
