I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i love accidental penises.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
