So drunk its hurt
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
