She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
